Untamed Idiosyncrasies

Published June 8, 2010 by VaLENCIa's MuSiNgS

I have been inclined to share some of the idiosyncrasies that have plagued my life for the past several years. Those being: depression, confusion, absence of self-acceptance and addiction to medications. Yes, I have been extremely sinuous (full of turns) as a result, but thanks be to God, I’m delivered and set free! For years I wondered why I always felt different, why nobody liked me, why everything I touched foiled. I wanted to be like her, look like her and live like her. I was never happy with the life that I’d been given to live. I complained, compared, condemned and was coerced by none other than myself, to be who I really wasn’t. Putting up a front seemed commonplace for it was my only way of covering up the shame I felt inside. Upon years of endurance and reflection, I discovered that these were products of me not loving myself. When an individual doesn’t know HOW to love themselves, it is utterly impossible for them to love others. This in turn portentously warrants the assumption that people don’t love them. It’s called the “boomerang effect”.

Even today, at 40 years old, I still wrestle with anomalies and more often than not sink into the hole of depression. However, I now have a weapon called “freedom in Christ” which allows me to seek comfort and reassurance from the only person who can give me the strength to soar as an eagle! Many times though, the devil insidiously (as is his nature) attempts to plant those old lies in my head. This is his job of course, as he is the “father of lies”. He wants you to be enveloped in trepidation and fear for this is his weapon of choice. Besides “satan” and “the devil”, he’s also known as: The Deceiver, The Liar, The Accuser, The Adversary, Ruler of Darkness and The Son of Perdition.

My aim is not to give a bible lesson, but these names were given to him by none other than God himself to show us the deception. If you’ve been reading my comments on Public Vigil and LVB-Research, you’ll see that my favorite scripture is Ephesians 6:12, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places”. This is my reminder that satan does, in fact, have power. However, verses 13-20 also remind me that I have weapons of warfare that are readily available to use against these powers of darkness. I knew this several years ago at the onset of the depression, but I didn’t turn to my bible (the biggest mistake of my life). Instead, I turned to psychiatrists and psychologists.

~Inserted to show uncanny resemblance~

Here’s where it gets tricky and this is merely my opinion, but the likelihood that you find a psychiatrist that sincerely wants to help you is slim to none. My experience over the past several years has proven to me that they are only in it for the money. Psychologists on the other hand (also known as therapists or counselors) DO NOT have the capacity to prescribe medications. However, they still follow the widely debunked theories of Sigmund Freud and Charles Darwin, both of whom were Grand Master Freemasons (that’s a whole story by itself). My friend LVB, will be doing an article on “PHARMAKEIA” (which is the Greek word for sorceress or witch) and its’ deceptiveness masked as being pharmaceutical drugs that HELP people when in actuality, they harm people. I’m not sure if LVB will hint this, but the term pharmakeia is the name for the Greek sorceress, Goddess of Transformation: Kirke. (The picture above thoroughly depicts the association between the occult and pharmaceuticals) Plus, the bible avidly warns against such practices of sorceries and witchcrafts as devotedly practiced by the occult. (Go to any online bible site and put the word “sorcery” in the search engine to find scripture confirmation)

Kirke: Greek Sorceress/Goddess of Transformation

The following definitions are from Strong’s Concordance….. Respectively, the root meaning for the plural Greek word pharmakeus (sorceries) as found in Revelation 9:21 (KJV), is ‘giver of potions’ while the singular term pharmakeia (sorcery) as found in Acts 13:6-8, means ‘druggist’ or ‘poisoner’. Now, you may ask: “So, what you’re saying is I shouldn’t go to the doctor and get prescriptions”? No, I am not saying that. People visit medical practitioners in order to have an illness diagnosed, to be treated for sickness, or to gain relief from illness. So accordingly, Jeremiah refers to the balm of Gilead which was evidently deemed to have medicinal qualities (Jeremiah 8:22; 46:11) which is obviously a good thing. However, balm and pharmakeia are two different things entirely! The pharmakeia mentioned in the bible are drugs that stimulate/encourage hallucinations and visions. I want to clarify that it was long part of pagan religious practice to administer potions, or drugs, which would encourage hallucinations. There is, of course, a direct parallel here to modern illicit drug taking AND prescribing, though these original ‘pharmacists’ were involved in the black arts and in demonology. I don’t know about you, but I also see a direct correlation between the pharmakeia of old and the one of today which purports my claim that this is exactly what SSRIs, SNRIs and MAOIs are, as prescribed by psychiatrists (oh, and some general practitioners do too). Needless to say, I’ve taken every last one of the following: Klonopin, Ativan, Valium, Lexapro, Celexa, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Buspar, Remeron and Effexor. All in an attempt to “make it all better” and “to make the demons go away”. But hear me say this, I WAS NOT CRAZY! This was the devil’s lying and deceit of which I LET him infringe upon me. He masterminded MY mind.

I suppose I should add that the illicit drugs’ direct parallel would pertain to certain pain medications as well for they definitely stimulate hallucinations. Oxycontin, oxycodone, hydrocodone, tramadol and codeine, just to name a few, have made me feel as I if I could walk up the side of the building! Yes, I’ve taken these too. I was pretty much a junkie…willing to take any medication that would “take me away” from ME! How silly is that? I’m stuck with me! This just goes to show how stupefied the devil made me think I was..well, I can’t fault him for that. That was my stupidity. All the same, when one medicine made me sick, I took another to make that sickness go away, then a different medicine to make the sickness go away from the last medicine. Catch my drift? Then one day, I began to pray. You see, when the devil feels he’s got you where he wants you, he pretty much leaves you alone. It’s when you reach out to THE COUNSELOR, Jesus “MyHope” Christ, that satan throws swords at you! I tell you no lie, when I finally decided to lean solely on Christ for my sustenance, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I was so accustomed to depending on these medications to get me through my days (and to knock me out at night), that I didn’t know how to live without them! Talk about grieving…. I cried for days on end because I knew I couldn’t go back to my friends. They were all I knew. Have you ever had a dream of your family member whom you love with all your heart, getting killed right before you could save them? Knowing that you’ll never see them again? (I pray you haven’t actually been through this) Well, that’s what it felt like not having my stash of downers, uppers, and stabilizers. Yep, I had a pill for everything!

Anybody can become addicted. No one is immune sweetheart. Anyway, today is a new day! I have been without stimulators/stimulants for ten months and I’m doing great! God is the only reason I’m able to sit here today and type this without fear of ridicule, judgment or dislike. You don’t have to like Valencia in order for her to be happy. (is talking in the third-person a form of disassociation? I gotta research this…) I can proudly say that I don’t need your approval. Obtaining the approval of God is my only desire at this point in my life. My reason for sharing this information: It’s my testimony to God’s awesome power and ability to deliver from ANY situation. Whatever your addiction, you can be delivered only if you give it over to the One who able to keep us from falling. Jude 1:24

In love, ~Lenci


2 comments on “Untamed Idiosyncrasies

  • Hi Lenci,

    So, yes, I did read this one several months ago, but it was good to read it again now after letting my SSRI article loose upon the world.

    I am so happy for you to be released from the bondage of these drugs, and from the deceptive power that we know is actually behind them.

    Thank you for writing and please keep in touch when you can.

    God bless you. 🙂

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