It was impressed upon me to examine my demeanor toward others after having posted on pet peeves yesterday. For years I’ve battled with anger issues that have contributed to the demise of relationships, job opportunities, spiritual freedom and self-acceptance. Unless you’ve experienced the type of irascible anger (easily angered) to which I refer, you probably wouldn’t understand. You may even deem it as selfishness (which in part is factual) or just plain craziness. If you do, you’re half-way right.
I remember when I was a young girl around the age of thirteen and had friends like all normal teenagers. However, I always felt the need to compare and examine myself as if I didn’t meet some unknown standard of humanity. I had to look like I didn’t have stupid thoughts running through my head. I’d be thinking on something dreadful, but yet have a smile on my face because I felt that if the true nature of my thoughts was revealed on my face, I’d scare everyone away. No, I wasn’t malevolent and thinking of killing anybody, it was more like hating who I was and wishing I were someone else. (that’s another story entirely) People used to always tell me: “You look so evil”. How does a teenager look so evil? I guess when I was looking evil, I was thinking about how pretty the day was. Nevertheless, I heard this remark constantly and eventually felt that I might as well be that way. Little did I know that every time these words were spoken to me, they actually manifested into who I became.
Buddy Ridell (Jack Nicholson) from the movie “Anger Management” said: “Sarcasm is Anger’s ugly cousin”. Indeed it is, but I’d like to add that: “Confusion is Denial’s ugly cousin”. I was so confused most times that I’d deny that I was a confused person! Once you’re in denial, you forfeit the reality that something is terribly wrong. But because you’re confused, you don’t even know if what’s right is right or if what’s wrong is wrong! It’s a vicious cycle my friends.
Anyway, many years have passed since this onset and still I must repress/control potential battles with anger. Though delusional evolutionists have tried to label me as bipolar, sufferer of mood swings and a recipient of borderline personality disorder, I don’t believe nor receive lies of the fabulist satan. Freud and Darwin were both guile and not inspired of God so their definitions of my mental state are vacuous. Despite the flaws of these men, I know for myself that anger leads to judgment and vice versa.
Matthew 7: 4-5 says, “4. Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam [is] in thine own eye?” “5. Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” Wow, Jesus definitely had a low tolerance for hypocrisy! When I read these scriptures earlier in life, they didn’t touch my heart as they do today. Sometimes we have to be in a certain season of life for the revelation to hit home.
Friends, we are all guilty. However, I am not immutable and can most always rectify my wrongs. In other words, I’m not perfect but at least I realize the folly of my ways and strive to do better. We must acknowledge our faults to God, earnestly ask for forgiveness and stop the rebellion. I’ve chosen to obey. Will you?